F is for Friendship, With or Without Benefits
by MissCeruleanSin
Summary: Haven't you ever questioned where the line between just friends and friends with benefits begins and ends? Namine has, and since she's had to, nothing in her life has been the same.


My name is Naminé.

I have blond hair, blue eyes, a slender build, and, as far as I know, a beautiful smile.

My life is probably about like anyone else's. I live with my mom, dad, and my pet rabbit, Oliver. I sleep in a bed with baby pink sheets in a snow white room decorated with posters of the most famous, sexiest Blitzball players. I get up early every morning and go to school, like any normal kid.

The one strange thing about me isn't actually _me_. In fact, _his_ name was Roxas.

I'm not by any means a depressed person. No cutting, drugs, pills, random rituals, not too much trouble... I have always appreciated what I have and who I am, always thought of myself as smart, pretty, fun... Anything any guy should ever want. It is with Roxas that I find fault with myself.

I don't even know where to start.

Maybe there is no right or wrong answer to the question I am faced with almost every other day of my junior year in high school. Maybe there never will be. But it doesn't matter... I've long since given up attempting to figure that out.

But the question is this:

Where does the line between best friends and something more fall? Further more, why hand your heart, the most important and easily broken piece of your existance over to a seemingly beneficial best friend who could rip it apart at any second, and the entire time, you don't even know exactly what it is they're asking from you?

I'll tell you why.

Because they're your best friend. You'd trust them with your life because you believe and hope that someday they might harbor feelings far deeper than friendship for you. You just never realize how hard you're hoping until everything around you crashes. Then you're left to pick up an even bigger mess than the one you started out with, because they fucked up your life and now all you can think about is revenge.

And doesn't that make you wonder how sane of a person that could possibly make you?

--

My situation began way back at the beginning of the school year. For the first few days, myself and my cousin Kairi had decided to take advantage of the open campus lunch we were being offered. We mostly ran around to nearby gas stations and looked for salads that were, unlike the school lunches, actually edible.

You see, Kairi and I were always concerned with keeping our figures. She did it as a favor to her steady boyfriend of fourteen months, Riku. I watched my weight because I was still on the lookout for Mr. Right. And what if he should happen to stumble along while I'm sporting a pouch-sized belly and thunder thighs? I wouldn't hear of it.

Today, it happened to be raining. A dreary Wednesday showing no signs that the storm clouds would be clearing anytime soon, and, it was _such_ a pity that we didn't have a car.

Instead of starving ourselves like any sane person without a healthy outlit in our shoes would do, we surrendered to hunger and that greasy, disgusting deep-fried school lunch. When the two of us walked out of the line, Kairi held a burger, no cheese or any condiments to speak of, and a container of diet lemon Snapple. I was carrying an apple and a bottled water.

Since we didn't usually dine in the school cafeteria, we were at a complete loss for where to sit. Of course we both had plenty of friends in our grades, but since my absolute best friend, Yuna, had moved to Twilight Town that summer, I was having a lot of trouble deciding just which cliche I would fit into. Yuna and I had always had so much in common; in fact, we had everything in common. We both loved to draw, play video games, watch anime, all the loser stuff cool kids could get into without other people saying you were a freak.

Regardless, Kairi still thought I was one.

But that didn't really matter, since in two years, when I graduated, I planned to join Yuna, her father and his new girlfriend at the house they had just recently purchased in the most expensive part of the city.

My other close friends at the school, Paine, Olette, and Larxene were seated at a table far away from us, near to the door, across the expanse of the ugly white with brown-speckles tiled flooring and the awful lighting we had. That and there were about a million other people in the way, ketchup packets strewn across the floor, and a table with the special kids at it that couldn't help themselves but to wave at all passerby.

"So, uhm..." Kairi began, looking down at the aluminum foil-wrapped burger, shining in all its glory as it stared up at the two of us, begging to be eaten. I had never felt so sick in my life, looking at _that_. Was that even considered meat? "Where are we sitting?" Excellent question.

It occurred to me that, even if we didn't sit by our friends, we'd still have to make our way across that ugly flooring, crappy lighting, ketchup packets and special needs kids, so it would have made absolutely no sense for us not to join Olette, Paine, and Larxene at their table. "Come on," I replied, nudging her arm as I moved across the dimly lit room.

In our high school, it wasn't uncommon for people to look at every move you made. Since there weren't a whole lot of students in our "student body," a person was judged a lot more severely than they probably would have been if they'd been in a larger school. Say, Hollow Bastion, or something, for instance.

Today it felt like everyone was staring at us.

Then again, I can't really say I didn't like it. At that time, I knew I was pretty, knew I had all the curves I needed to make any boy fall madly in love with me, knew my hair was long and shiny, which is a sign of good health, or so says my Cosmopolitan magazine.

Kairi on the other hand, simply could not care any more or less. Since she was with Riku, she'd stopped caring what other people thought of her, and focused only on what _he_ wanted. She wore nothing but pink now, since Riku said it was cute, and it brought out her skin tone. Although this was true, I still had to admit Riku's good intentions really pissed me off on a bad day.

While she chose to walk like any normal junior-year girl going to sit by her friends across the lunch room, I made sure to sway my hips back and forth just a little bit more than usual, so any onlookers would surely notice my nicely-toned ass.

"Hey, guys. It's been awhile," Olette greeted us, and motioned to the seat in front of her. It had in fact, been awhile. A whole summer. Not to say that I neglected any friends that weren't as close as best friends; I just didn't spend nearly as much time with them as I would with someone like Yuna, who would stay up for all night sessions of a horror game with me if that was my choice. Usually, it was.

"Yeah it has," Kairi repeated, taking a seat and beginning to examine the treasure she'd gotten in the lunch room. When she unwrapped it, and I saw the two lumps of bread and the brown sponge of a burger in between, I felt immediately nauseated.

"Ugh, Kairi, what is _that_?" I asked, backing away in my seat. It smelled _aweful_.

Olette giggled. Paine pretty much ignored me, whilst Larxene made sure to say what was on her mind. "It's a burger, you idiot. What does it look like?" What did it look like, indeed.

"It looks like a circle of artery-clogging goodness," Olette said, smiling. She always seemed to be in such a good mood, I noted, although I did know that she could be an absolute bitch if she really wanted to. "And if you're not going to eat it, give it to me. I'm starving."

Okay, so I was starving too.

I looked down at my apple, an off-red color with vertical streaks of yellow and green, at the sticker that dotted the side of it, telling me this was of the delicious red brand. Then, feeling like a little girl again, I carefully placed my pointer and middle finger across from each other on the stem, and began twisting it, each motion a different letter.

"A... B... C... D... E..." And I kept going, just like that, while the other four girls watched me, interested. It was such a mindless action...

"Naminé, you're hardly twisting at all..." Olette said, making a face.

"We all know what letter she's going for," Kairi announced, matter-of-factly, as if the world should have already known. "H, for Hayner."

Hayner was a boy I'd known since eighth grade. He'd moved to Traverse Town from some random, backwater dump and fallen imediately for Yuna, who agreed to date him on the condition that he never had to meet her parents. A low blow, right? Apparently, Hayner was too stupid to understand that not being introduced to Yuna's parents obviously met he'd never be in it with her for longer than a week or two, or for as long as she could keep him from following her home.

Besides, she pretty much used him for this really sweet necklace he had.

Hayner was not the overall cutest pick of the bunch, but I'd always felt terrible for him since Yuna had left him sitting, high and dry, alone in the football field outside of our school. Since then, I'd always sort of had a thing for the kid, to know that he could put up with my best friend unlike any other boy ever had. He'd stuck with her regardless of the shit she pulled, much like me, but I've always told myself that someday she would grow up and actually take care of her own problems.

She still hasn't grown up, and I'm still her best friend for it. And even though by now Yuna has found a new boyfriend and has settled into her life in Twilight Town, I can't help but linger on the fact that this poor kid got left behind.

Why should I always feel like I'm the one who has to take responsibility for all of my friend's mistakes?

And how had I missed the feeling that it was going to get worse?

"H... I... J... K... L..."

"You passed right over H," Kairi said, though no one needed to be told. I was assuming they all knew the alphabet, and that Kairi should not have to point out the fact that H comes after G and before I and is three letters before K and so on and so forth. But still. They all looked surprised.

I was just getting around to the letter O when I first heart his voice.

"Hey guys," He said, an angel's tone, crisp and clear and precise, musical. "Mind if I join you?"

I'd never talked to this guy before.

He had blond, feathery spiked hair displaying tints of gold, with beautiful, oceanic blue eyes, far deeper than mine, I was positive. He dressed like a fashion designer should, all black, white and hints of red played across him. I was so transfixed I didn't even notice Hayner take a seat right beside him, and Riku shove a chair in between Kairi and myself. Then other people began to join the table.

But it didn't matter.

_O... P... Q... _I was still chanting to myself in my head as I contined to play with the apple stem, believing it bad luck if I didn't finish, didn't complete this strange feat.

"Hey, Roxas," Larxene cooed.

And my stem broke on R.


End file.
